I'm gonna talk dirrty to ya (yeah, I used the double 'r')

Few people have inspired me to write in a very long time. Normally I write out of silly teenage angst...or something similar. Today however, I am dedicating this blog to two very special people.

As a female I feel that toilet seats should remain down at all times. 

The only time it should be up while I am in the bathroom is if I am cleaning it...and then I put it up...and back down.

I have a deep hatred for touching toilet seats. Truly, I do. 

Look fellas, we ladies put up with a whole lot. Or at least I do. I can up with you making fun of me. I can handle the fact that you make me feel oogy sometimes, I can take your corny jokes...I can even put up with your quips about my untonedness (new word anyone?) but I REALLY, REALLY cannot put up with you leaving the toilet seat up.

Let me tell you a little story. This story is about a girl who drank a whole lot of sweet tea ('cause she's from the south) and whole lot of water ('cause she pretends she can be healthy). This girl didn't relieve her self for a while....we're talkin' like 8 hours. The girl finally decided that she needed to pee. So she ran to the restroom...and FELL IN THE FRIGGIN TOILET!!

Let me tell you another little story. This story is about the same girl. She went to bed as humans usually do....and woke up to find that she really had to urinate....so she got up...didn't bother to turn on the lights...and FELL IN THE TOILET.

Needless to say this chick was highly pissed off both times. Two dear men did this to her. Left the toilet seat up, I mean, two different times, in two different houses.

Speaking about a traditional home, the male gathers the food, the female cooks the food, cleans the house, and has the children. Honestly I am not saying that my job is any harder than the man's, but isn't he supposed to be a gentleman? If I ask real nice for you put the toilet seat down, why won't you??

I hereby make a solemn vow that I will be incredibly sweet and nice to you, if you will but leave the toilet seat down. I will not even make a comment on the stench of the bathroom after you exit, if you will just put the toilet seat down.

 I love you, but i will live up to the reputation I have gathered if you continue to inflict this pain upon me.

I am capable of you're worst fears. 

Here stands your warning.

talent is for silly beings.

I have had a week of days.

Days that are all the same.

I work in a place that makes me fat. I will get fired when I cannot fit behind the counter anymore. Than I will never get married because of my weight, but I will write a book about that. Hopefully it will sell millions and I will get to be on Oprah. 

I was doing so well today....but there was red velvet cake at work.

Sometimes I have very odd thought patterns. I took the pump out of an almost empty chocolate container and drizzled the chocolate all over the bottom of the sink. I thought that it would be pretty. it was. 

I wish that sometimes I knew things.