Odd

I am not the most confident person in the world.

I mess stuff up and I am good at the messes I make.

This is not something I am proud of. The messes I make are sloppy. They are embarrassing. They are things I like to avoid.

So in most situations, such as conversations, activities, and life in general, I try very hard to proceed with caution.

This sometimes makes my conversations awkward, my activities bumpy, and my life squiggly.

Make sense? You see in proceeding with caution, I am still making mini messes.

So what is to be done with this sloppy, mess making girl?

I am in a new place. I came here not knowing a single person. This makes me even more cautious. As you well know, full blown Melissa is hardly ever a good idea.

I was given so much advice, and told what to do and not to do, that my movements became awkward to the point of ridiculous. I am used to living on the edge of ridiculous, but really that's just sad. And it is painful for people to watch.

So now I am attempting to be myself. I am being the girl God is constantly working on. I think that I am making less messes. My speech is becoming less stuttery. My thoughts still aren't always flowing in order...they jumble upon exit of my mouth, but I am improving. I hope.

I am still leaving words out of blog posts...

but no one is perfect.

The passage that I find most encouraging right now is 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Well...there ya go....more rambley thoughts that don't really make sense. Ah well.

Rain

First off, thank you so much for the prayers. My Mamaw is in no more pain, and with Lord. I miss her an unbelievable amount, but I am so glad that she is no longer suffering.

Now, I would just like to update you on goings on....because my life is super important...and you should know all about it..........my conceit and pride are pets I have been training lately...ok...bad joke...moving on...

I have had the honour and pleasure of continuing to be able to help out at the Newcastle Christian school twice a week. I have been helping with questions and any sort of excess "paper work" that the teachers have not been able to get to. I have also been giving pointers to the upper class on there dramatic endeavours. It has all been very fun.

Along with doing artsy things with the girls at the Young People's meetings, which meets twice a month, I am trying to get a small Bible study started....maybe...let's pray that works out.

Also, I am helping organize this end of the Holiday Bible Club which will be held August 1st through the 5th (a week after I leave). First Pres in Jackson, MS will be sending a small team to run it, so I will be publicizing for it. Please keep this in your prayers, as it will be an amazing opportunity to reach out to the community.

Well, I suppose that's all for now....

These Tongues that Sing, there Must be Thousands. Make them Stronger, make them More.

Well, here I am.

In Gateshead, England.

Organizing crafts for this coming Young People's meeting, and thinking about the new things I will be doing tomorrow at Newcastle Christian School.

This church and these people are amazing, loving, filled with His love. My hope and prayer is to be of whatever service they need.

In America, across the ocean, and so far away from me are my family. We are in desperate need of prayers, for peace and understanding. My Mamaw has been battling cancer, and it seems that things are almost coming to a close for her in this world. I know that the land which awaits her is vast and glorious, and that she will be pain free and joyous. But right now, I can only feel guilt for not being there. I know that I couldn't do anything, but I still feel that I should be with my family. I also know that I should be here, God called me here, He placed my feet to tread this ground, but the pain of knowing that my family is going through this, that I am going through this...and we aren't together...it hurts. I also know that I am being selfish and prideful, thinking that if I could be there it would be better, and being so concerned with my feelings. So now my prayer is for peaceful and pain free life for my Mamaw. I thank you much for praying mainly for, and also my family at this time.

And I'm Away

So as many (ok all) of you know, I am going to England this summer on a missions internship through MTW (Mission to the World)...

I am not exactly what all the church (Gateshead Presbyterian) will be having me do, but I am looking forward to it.

That being said, I pretty much want to cry right now. I already have some. I know, I'm a baby. I chose to do this....I get it. But I just miss people so bad.

Also, I am scared. Scared that I won't get to my plane on time. Scared that people will not be helpful when I switch planes in France. I'm scared that I won't be a good representation of all that is expected of me. Just scared.

I know God has this. I know it. I have that knowledge. I just pray that I have the Faith not to worry about it.

I fly to Atlanta at 6:30 this morning, so I am going to bed soon. After a few days of training I will be flying to Newcastle.

I may not be contact for a while after that. I love and miss you all.

Obnoxious, Really.

I've skipped April entirely. It does need to be recognized. April 2011, you were the most stressful, tearful, irritating, horrible month I have yet to experience. Some good things happened. None of which I can remember. Do I sound bitter? Slightly annoyed? Good. Those were the tones I was meaning to give off. I have never had a month be so absolutely spiteful towards me. You'd have thought that I spit on it's mother. Well April, I did no such thing. You needn't act so offended, it's all your fault, and I would never spit on anyone's mother. Not even yours'. I do wish you had been a little kinder, it wasn't just me you were wrong to, it was plenty of my friends, and near the end there, it really got serious, and very personal. It was hurtful, and I know that I won't be getting an apology, but I really would like you to know that next year when we meet I expect you to be civil. I send no love your way, you are simply a month after all.

Missions Internship to Gateshead, England

So here's the deal...I am planning on going to England this summer through an internship with MTW (Mission to the World).

I am currently raising support so that I can actually go, this basically means I need money for travel, ministry supplies, and food. I have earned over half my support, but I now have about a month to earn $2,125.00. God has blessed me with friends and family that have helped me thus far, and if you see fit to help me out that would be awesome. Regardless of your financial support I would ask for your prayers as I prepare for this trip. Thank you all so much!

Please send your tax deductible gift to Mission to the World PO BOX 116284 Atlanta, GA 30368-6284. (Please include my account number: 11862)

You can donate by going to MTW's website and clicking on donations (I have directly linked it)...and typing in my account number: 11862

*****EDIT*****

I now need only $1,525.00!!

Please Don't Go Without Me

I like sitting here. I feel like someone I'm not, but it's a good sort of feeling.

At times like these I become ridiculously thankful for the German's. That sounds weird, but I swear this is the best coffee shop to sit in and read and type words onto screens. And it wouldn't be the same with out these sweet German ladies.

And let me just tell you about listening to The Civil Wars, The Avett Brothers, and Mumford & Sons, I mean...their all great. But that's just what I mean.

I don't feel like that's me.

I don't really know what "me" is, but it's not the Toms wearing, music-snobbing, coffee drinking, artist thinking, book reading person that is sitting on this leather couch. Those are all the things that I know about myself. But that's not me.....is it?

This is why people don't like me, I wouldn't like me either. I am always pondering what makes up the self.

I know that statistically it's probably my parents fault that I don't know science so well, since I'm not a boy.

I know that observationally speaking most women are territorial over parking spaces they are leaving.

I know that technically speaking I have no money for England, but that if I work hard, and keep praying, that I will make it there.

I know that this summer I will be getting to share so much about the God who saved me, and I will be meeting so many new people, and doing so many new things. I know that I am sitting here scared.

Let me tell you something sad and ridiculous. Something which will not surprise you and you may have heard it before.

I've fractured my foot, and I have been marching around campus like a limping toy soldier in a very silly boot. I just about dove off the bus earlier too. The ground looks so much further away when you're trying to figure out just how to reach. And then on the stairs, my nose decided that it would really like to meet that second one from the top. I had to stop her you, she's already pretty squished and getting involved with someone like that stair fellow was really going to get her in trouble.

Also, I think that my true calling is to sneak into people's houses and bake them muffins and make them coffee in the morning, and then leave before I get sat on. But you know I think it would be fun to be the traveling muffin maker. I know it would be fun.