Humidity

So here I sit. Yet again.

I want to cry.

No really, I do.

I want go home, but I never want to leave here.

Why is the world so huge?! Why did I come here and actually like people??

Oh, I am the most angsty, ridiculous person that ever walked the face of this earth.

I have also been reading much too much Jane Austen. I think she makes me dramatic.

Back to point. I left back in May, I left MS and AL to come to Gateshead England. I came through Mission to the World, and I really had no idea what I would be doing. I am pretty sure that no one had any idea what I would be doing. I came to be a service to the church, Gateshead Presbyterian. Let me tell you, the people of this church are amazing. They really are. I am not one to just make pointless compliments, I mean it. They are truly filled with Christ's love, and they showed me so much wonderful hospitality.

Once I got here, I started getting small opportunities to help out in different areas such as arts and crafts with the girls of the church, and some babysitting....

Then they invited me to come help the teachers at the Newcastle Christian School, needless to say, I loved it. Those children were the best behaved, sweetest kids. I am irritating myself with all this gushing, but I don't know what else to say.

I also got the chance to clean houses, prune gardens, and talk. Talking can be called a ministry, right? Well, maybe not, but I did get to talk. A.lot.

Recently I have been able to publicize for the Holiday Bible Club that will be held here in two weeks. I wish I could be here for it, and I pray that God will use in a powerful way in the community.

I really may just lose it on Sunday though. I saw some people for (possibly) the last time (that is an awful thing to type...) on Wednesday night (that would be last night, that's how the week works; Wednesday comes before Thursday, and Friday is after that), and I am surprised I didn't burst in to tears then. Really, I am way too emotional. However, I couldn't quite cry with statements like "Right, well if I don't see you in this life, then I'll see you in court" being made. And then being laughed at by the maker of said statement. How sad it shall be to leave British humour (see what I did there? with the spelling, I mean....yeah, I'm clever...I know how to spell stuff all Englishy). So let's hope I don't start crying till I get on the plane, and I have decided that I really have to come back right after graduation, if only for a few weeks.

I am seriously getting on my nerves.

Perhaps too much caffeine? No, it's too much Austen, she has ruined my writing, at least for a little while. Darn her.

I am going to stop now, before I really start to confuse people. I am not going back to see how many words I have left out of this post either. Nope, not gonna do it. I will just have to go through another day, get embarrassed, and fix it then. But not now.

Odd

I am not the most confident person in the world.

I mess stuff up and I am good at the messes I make.

This is not something I am proud of. The messes I make are sloppy. They are embarrassing. They are things I like to avoid.

So in most situations, such as conversations, activities, and life in general, I try very hard to proceed with caution.

This sometimes makes my conversations awkward, my activities bumpy, and my life squiggly.

Make sense? You see in proceeding with caution, I am still making mini messes.

So what is to be done with this sloppy, mess making girl?

I am in a new place. I came here not knowing a single person. This makes me even more cautious. As you well know, full blown Melissa is hardly ever a good idea.

I was given so much advice, and told what to do and not to do, that my movements became awkward to the point of ridiculous. I am used to living on the edge of ridiculous, but really that's just sad. And it is painful for people to watch.

So now I am attempting to be myself. I am being the girl God is constantly working on. I think that I am making less messes. My speech is becoming less stuttery. My thoughts still aren't always flowing in order...they jumble upon exit of my mouth, but I am improving. I hope.

I am still leaving words out of blog posts...

but no one is perfect.

The passage that I find most encouraging right now is 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Well...there ya go....more rambley thoughts that don't really make sense. Ah well.

Rain

First off, thank you so much for the prayers. My Mamaw is in no more pain, and with Lord. I miss her an unbelievable amount, but I am so glad that she is no longer suffering.

Now, I would just like to update you on goings on....because my life is super important...and you should know all about it..........my conceit and pride are pets I have been training lately...ok...bad joke...moving on...

I have had the honour and pleasure of continuing to be able to help out at the Newcastle Christian school twice a week. I have been helping with questions and any sort of excess "paper work" that the teachers have not been able to get to. I have also been giving pointers to the upper class on there dramatic endeavours. It has all been very fun.

Along with doing artsy things with the girls at the Young People's meetings, which meets twice a month, I am trying to get a small Bible study started....maybe...let's pray that works out.

Also, I am helping organize this end of the Holiday Bible Club which will be held August 1st through the 5th (a week after I leave). First Pres in Jackson, MS will be sending a small team to run it, so I will be publicizing for it. Please keep this in your prayers, as it will be an amazing opportunity to reach out to the community.

Well, I suppose that's all for now....

These Tongues that Sing, there Must be Thousands. Make them Stronger, make them More.

Well, here I am.

In Gateshead, England.

Organizing crafts for this coming Young People's meeting, and thinking about the new things I will be doing tomorrow at Newcastle Christian School.

This church and these people are amazing, loving, filled with His love. My hope and prayer is to be of whatever service they need.

In America, across the ocean, and so far away from me are my family. We are in desperate need of prayers, for peace and understanding. My Mamaw has been battling cancer, and it seems that things are almost coming to a close for her in this world. I know that the land which awaits her is vast and glorious, and that she will be pain free and joyous. But right now, I can only feel guilt for not being there. I know that I couldn't do anything, but I still feel that I should be with my family. I also know that I should be here, God called me here, He placed my feet to tread this ground, but the pain of knowing that my family is going through this, that I am going through this...and we aren't together...it hurts. I also know that I am being selfish and prideful, thinking that if I could be there it would be better, and being so concerned with my feelings. So now my prayer is for peaceful and pain free life for my Mamaw. I thank you much for praying mainly for, and also my family at this time.

And I'm Away

So as many (ok all) of you know, I am going to England this summer on a missions internship through MTW (Mission to the World)...

I am not exactly what all the church (Gateshead Presbyterian) will be having me do, but I am looking forward to it.

That being said, I pretty much want to cry right now. I already have some. I know, I'm a baby. I chose to do this....I get it. But I just miss people so bad.

Also, I am scared. Scared that I won't get to my plane on time. Scared that people will not be helpful when I switch planes in France. I'm scared that I won't be a good representation of all that is expected of me. Just scared.

I know God has this. I know it. I have that knowledge. I just pray that I have the Faith not to worry about it.

I fly to Atlanta at 6:30 this morning, so I am going to bed soon. After a few days of training I will be flying to Newcastle.

I may not be contact for a while after that. I love and miss you all.

Obnoxious, Really.

I've skipped April entirely. It does need to be recognized. April 2011, you were the most stressful, tearful, irritating, horrible month I have yet to experience. Some good things happened. None of which I can remember. Do I sound bitter? Slightly annoyed? Good. Those were the tones I was meaning to give off. I have never had a month be so absolutely spiteful towards me. You'd have thought that I spit on it's mother. Well April, I did no such thing. You needn't act so offended, it's all your fault, and I would never spit on anyone's mother. Not even yours'. I do wish you had been a little kinder, it wasn't just me you were wrong to, it was plenty of my friends, and near the end there, it really got serious, and very personal. It was hurtful, and I know that I won't be getting an apology, but I really would like you to know that next year when we meet I expect you to be civil. I send no love your way, you are simply a month after all.

Missions Internship to Gateshead, England

So here's the deal...I am planning on going to England this summer through an internship with MTW (Mission to the World).

I am currently raising support so that I can actually go, this basically means I need money for travel, ministry supplies, and food. I have earned over half my support, but I now have about a month to earn $2,125.00. God has blessed me with friends and family that have helped me thus far, and if you see fit to help me out that would be awesome. Regardless of your financial support I would ask for your prayers as I prepare for this trip. Thank you all so much!

Please send your tax deductible gift to Mission to the World PO BOX 116284 Atlanta, GA 30368-6284. (Please include my account number: 11862)

You can donate by going to MTW's website and clicking on donations (I have directly linked it)...and typing in my account number: 11862

*****EDIT*****

I now need only $1,525.00!!