I am an unstable person.
That's scary. Why am I in the field that I am in when I am so unstable? I had it pointed out to me that I snap. I just get mad. I express my anger in an unhealthy way. It hurts so bad to hear that. I want to be angry sometimes, but that is unhealthy too. I don't ever need to be mad. Or if I do get mad, I don't need to share it...because that is when I yell. When people don't understand what I am saying or they don't understand what I am saying, I guess that I think...maybe if I say it louder, or with more passion, they might understand me. wrong. That's just me not understanding why I shouldn't be mad. People deal with me all funny. They try and tell me why I shouldn't be mad...and then I think "oh, they still don't get why I'm mad...lemme explain one more time". but guess what? That's when I get "dramatic".
Drama Queen. Do you really wanna hurt me? Call me that. "Drama Queen" means that I can't justify my actions..."drama queen" is the justification. I want to be alowd to be mad sometimes.
I am nice to people all day everyday...people who don't give a shit for me. They are are nice or they are rude...it really doesn't matter. They are people. If I'm not at my job than I am in class...you can't just talk to some random classmate about your frustrations. That would be desperate and sad.
But what's desperate and sad is when you get upset over something small. Something that hurt you feelings...or a small disagreement. Something that is just icing on the cake...or the straw that broke the camel's back. Whatever it is..it just takes your stress and your frustrations and it just opens the floodgate. You get upset. but the really screwed up thing? when You try and explain yourself to someone you hope will listen, nothing comes out right. Words don't fit into correct sentences. Then the people who you love and trust most know what's wrong. You are unstable. and a drama queen. the end.
I hurt so bad right now.
I am entirely ridiculous. God wants me to tell Him about it...I do. This is going to sound horrible, but all I really want to hear is someone telling me they get why I'm mad....that it's ok to be mad...to get it all out.Just listen.
but that would just encourage me, wouldn't it?
I am sorry.
Pray for me.
please.
I want to be normal.
4 comments:
Anger is normal. So is not being able to express yourself when you are angry.
That's why people say count to 10, (which never works for me). I think the concept is to give yourself more time to think before you launch into a rant, maybe that would help when you need to express yourself. Maybe blogging helps.
So, what upset ya?
Oh yeah, I forgot to add, I like your new layout!
Ha! I know what this is about! You know I wasn't saying "don't get angry", I was kinda saying "lighten up". Sometimes I don't know when the fireworks are gonna show! And you know that no one is normal Ms. Drama Queen ;) I love you the way you are!
I'll let you be mad.
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