Garlic and Cheese

I am laying (lying?) in my bed. It is full of crumbs.

I just went to a midnight movie in Starkville.

I might just be a very jealous person.

I am getting up in the morning to go make Chai tea pancakes with one or two of my most dearestest friends. This means that I should currently be sleeping. But see, something is bothering me.

I am a mean person. I can be blunt when I want to be. I can be manipulative when I want to be. I have many different tactics that use when I want someone to know that I am being mean. However, on the other hand...I am a generally nice person. I don't run around calling people names and hoping that something terrible happens to them. See, if you are my friend...I can honestly say that if you call or text me..and you really need something, I will most likely try and make that happen. Is this the case for my friends towards me? I found out tonight, that no, for two poor boys...it is not. I just didn't want to be stuck in that "3rd wheel" situation yet again. I really don't mind it most days, but with new couples I do. It isn't so fun. They know it, I know it. The whole thing is awkward. Needless to say that after much begging I was told by these two boys that they love hanging out with me, but not at midnight when they need to work in the next morning. I would have done it for them, but they won't for me. What an unfair world I live in.

Don't Yawn So Loud. You'll Wake the Neighbors.

Hi.

I've sprained my ankle, dear. This means with all the foot propping up that I should have probably updated this thing. However, it's been a while.

It's summer. That means I have been sweating, working, reading, watching Freaks and Geeks constantly, and generally being lazy.

I did have an opportunity to help lead at a youth retreat at the beginning of this month. That was pretty amazing. (That is also where I acquired this sprained ankle)

Also, I would like to let my avid readers....who are all so close that they already know this...so I don't know why I am typing it...that I am going on a missions trip to New Mexico to a Navajo reservation in July. I am so excited, but this trip needs lots of prayer. Prayer for the people we will meet, for safe travel, for strength, and for sufficient funds. It would be so great if y'all would be praying for us.

Love is What You Need.

Well, well, well.
You look rather bored.
What better way to cure your boredom than by stopping by here to get healthy dose of "pathetic girl".
If that is not what you wanted, you best move along to a poetry blog...or perhaps one of those cute ones with cake and make-up.

I warn you, this is going to sound completely and utterly ridiculous. Not only does it sound this way, but it is this way.

What better way to kill these feelings than by blogging about it? I didn't know either. The pink lemonade vodka did not seem to help.

"Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride." Those are stupid words that no one pays attention to, but since I like to have those days where I just feel bad about myself, I choose to listen to those words...just for tonight.
I participated in my third wedding as a bridesmaid today. I was the Maid of Honor, does that make a difference? Most likely not.
As the Bride walked down the aisle, bawling her eyes I just watched. As I walked up and stood behind her to take her bouquet, I felt silly. I felt out of place. I felt like a child playing an adult's role. I always feel this way. Never as an actual player in the game though, I always feel like a spectator. just watching. I watched the groomsmen sweat and stare at their feet. I watched the bridesmaids shifting from one foot to another. I watched to congregation look on in admiration. I watched the back of the Bride's head bob up and down in quick nods to each question asked of her. I watched as the Groom began to cry.
I felt like I needed to be doing something, but I already was. I was holding his ring. I had a purpose up there. Just set the ring on the Pastor's book. Simple. That and fix her dress.
The whole thing was beautiful. My feet fell asleep, and I got dragged very ungracefully back up the aisle and out of the church to take pictures. But they were beautiful, and so happy.
It was done.
They are married.
Did I do that? People asked if I felt responsible for the whole thing. I did introduce them a year ago, but Did I Do That? No. So stop asking, stop congratulating me. I had nothing to do with it.

Here comes the pathetic part.....

You know what? I don't feel like being pathetic anymore.

I thought that is why I sat down to write this blog.

It was going to sit here and weep and type about how I still like him, about how he will never like me, about how I need some serious mental help (no really, I do). However, today was not about me.
Today was about them.
They will be happy together. They are perfect for one another.
I could not have planned that.

Congratulations.
However much I have said, they know that in the end....I like them.

How Odd You Are

Here we have it. I have ignored this poor little page for a month. I feel almost guilty.

I wish that I could tell you that I have simply been too busy, or that I have been feeding chickens for the entire time, but those things are not true. So I shan't lie...yet.

I have been carrying home the distinct odor of coffee every afternoon.

I have been trying and failing at working out.

I have made a penis cake that looked nothing like a penis.

I have been saving my tips in a mason jar.

I have been treated as if I am still 12, and I am still being treated as such.

I have managed to irritate every single person I have been around in the time span of an hour.

I have eaten two cheddar jalapeño bagels. One with butter, the other with cream cheese. It is better with cream cheese.

I have managed to kill my more vehicle.

I have gotten my hair cut.

I have played football.

I have jammed my finger.

I have bruised my leg.

I have begun to reread an old book.

I have gotten a new trackball for my phone.

I have washed clothes.

I have cried.

I have yelled.

I have laughed.

I have danced.

I have had obscene amounts of coffee.

I have plucked.

I have collected 76 beer bottle caps for my friend to make an artsy thing with.

I have wanted to sleep more.

I promise I will post something interesting soon.

Spinning in Circles - Headaches in Large Scoops

It's funny, you know? That song by Jason Mraz, the one about coyotes or something like that.

I feel sweet solitude on the 4th floors of libraries, and I have a deep love for corners and hazelnut coffee.

I have a book to read, one that I will actually enjoy.

I have two group projects, 3 major papers, and two minor ones. All due this week.

I will sacrifice my social life for a week, it will hurt, but I can tell that summer is coming. I take comfort in having this knowledge in my arsenal of happy things.

I have decided that loving people you don't know is an easy thing to do, so I should probably do that, and just decide to never meet them.

I have a summer job.

I need to apply for a fall one.

I have an apartment.

I need to get tanned.

I need to sweet talk a few more people.

I need to convince someone of the male gender that I am not as scary or weird as they would have first assumed.

I need to let that male know that I bake. I've heard that works.

Oh. Oh, Hi. I Wish that You Would Leave Me Alone.

I really am irritated with myself. I wish that I wasn't. I hate that I cannot get over certain things. I hate that I have prayed about it and thought about other things, and still can't seem to stop. I have thought about rocks, I have thought about cooking, I have thought about blankets, music, cars, trucks, exercise, Poe, clothes, coffee, television, jumping jacks, swing sets, Irish drinking songs, the river, boats, hot pink nail polish, twirling, skirts, and shoes. I have purposefully omitted school because while I do think about it, it is irrelevant to my life.

This could be such a potentially embarrassing post, but seeing as I am an idiot, and seeing as how no one reads this, and seeing as how I am down right angry with myself, and seeing as how I don't know when it will change, and seeing as how I know I am pathetic, and seeing as how I know that I sound scary obsessive (really..I don't think I am...I just appear that way when I take the time to write it down) I have decided that putting my thoughts hear might make it better. I know, I am lying to myself, but that is all I can at this point.

Wander with Me, and You will See

I could type about some serious things.

I could tell you that I am watching Criminal Minds.

I could tell you that I want to drop out of school.

I could tell you that I am slightly bored with this routine.

I could tell you that I still hate that cat that lives at that place where I call home.

I could tell you that I live a happy life as leaf on a giant oak tree that is painted on to a delicate tea cup that is wrapped in a news paper dated 1914 which is crammed in a small wooden box that has been shoved under a bed that is stored in the attic of a house that has not been lived for 3 1/2 years.

I could tell you all of these things, and as you see...I have.

Hello, and please enjoy.

Also, can I have this bed please? I mean...PLEASE???