Humidity

So here I sit. Yet again.

I want to cry.

No really, I do.

I want go home, but I never want to leave here.

Why is the world so huge?! Why did I come here and actually like people??

Oh, I am the most angsty, ridiculous person that ever walked the face of this earth.

I have also been reading much too much Jane Austen. I think she makes me dramatic.

Back to point. I left back in May, I left MS and AL to come to Gateshead England. I came through Mission to the World, and I really had no idea what I would be doing. I am pretty sure that no one had any idea what I would be doing. I came to be a service to the church, Gateshead Presbyterian. Let me tell you, the people of this church are amazing. They really are. I am not one to just make pointless compliments, I mean it. They are truly filled with Christ's love, and they showed me so much wonderful hospitality.

Once I got here, I started getting small opportunities to help out in different areas such as arts and crafts with the girls of the church, and some babysitting....

Then they invited me to come help the teachers at the Newcastle Christian School, needless to say, I loved it. Those children were the best behaved, sweetest kids. I am irritating myself with all this gushing, but I don't know what else to say.

I also got the chance to clean houses, prune gardens, and talk. Talking can be called a ministry, right? Well, maybe not, but I did get to talk. A.lot.

Recently I have been able to publicize for the Holiday Bible Club that will be held here in two weeks. I wish I could be here for it, and I pray that God will use in a powerful way in the community.

I really may just lose it on Sunday though. I saw some people for (possibly) the last time (that is an awful thing to type...) on Wednesday night (that would be last night, that's how the week works; Wednesday comes before Thursday, and Friday is after that), and I am surprised I didn't burst in to tears then. Really, I am way too emotional. However, I couldn't quite cry with statements like "Right, well if I don't see you in this life, then I'll see you in court" being made. And then being laughed at by the maker of said statement. How sad it shall be to leave British humour (see what I did there? with the spelling, I mean....yeah, I'm clever...I know how to spell stuff all Englishy). So let's hope I don't start crying till I get on the plane, and I have decided that I really have to come back right after graduation, if only for a few weeks.

I am seriously getting on my nerves.

Perhaps too much caffeine? No, it's too much Austen, she has ruined my writing, at least for a little while. Darn her.

I am going to stop now, before I really start to confuse people. I am not going back to see how many words I have left out of this post either. Nope, not gonna do it. I will just have to go through another day, get embarrassed, and fix it then. But not now.

Odd

I am not the most confident person in the world.

I mess stuff up and I am good at the messes I make.

This is not something I am proud of. The messes I make are sloppy. They are embarrassing. They are things I like to avoid.

So in most situations, such as conversations, activities, and life in general, I try very hard to proceed with caution.

This sometimes makes my conversations awkward, my activities bumpy, and my life squiggly.

Make sense? You see in proceeding with caution, I am still making mini messes.

So what is to be done with this sloppy, mess making girl?

I am in a new place. I came here not knowing a single person. This makes me even more cautious. As you well know, full blown Melissa is hardly ever a good idea.

I was given so much advice, and told what to do and not to do, that my movements became awkward to the point of ridiculous. I am used to living on the edge of ridiculous, but really that's just sad. And it is painful for people to watch.

So now I am attempting to be myself. I am being the girl God is constantly working on. I think that I am making less messes. My speech is becoming less stuttery. My thoughts still aren't always flowing in order...they jumble upon exit of my mouth, but I am improving. I hope.

I am still leaving words out of blog posts...

but no one is perfect.

The passage that I find most encouraging right now is 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Well...there ya go....more rambley thoughts that don't really make sense. Ah well.