Sunday, August 14, 2011

Hairy

Here I go. Typing words.
Ranting.
Completely mental.
Self pitying little jerk that I am.
You don't want to hear it.
It's irritating to have to put up with. I understand.
Oh, these complaints, they are mindless. They go on and on, with no end in site. Your eyes start to roll, your mind has already wandered. You contemplate when it will be over, but you know that silence is a fast fleeting dream at this point.

It's sad for you. Since when did friends stop to exist and blogs become a place to put your feelings on display? You want everyone to know just how crappy you are feeling, so you post it online because you can get your words out more clearly, and of course, more can read it.

Is that how insecure I am? That I need people to read my every thought? I mean, obviously I don't put my every thought out there. I haven't been killed yet, so it's pretty apparent I have kept some things to myself.

But really? Yeah, I guess it's true. Every time I have felt that people are ignoring me, or just not understanding the poorly formed words that fall out of my mouth I proceed to type it out and post it on here for everyone.

If you don't like it, then you don't have to read it. That's what I always say....or think. However, perhaps I should be more thoughtful with what I post.

Maybe I should include more entertaining and pithy dialogue. I could talk about the witty banter had over a game of chess and a hot cup of coffee from this past weekend. Except there was none (there was coffee, but when is there not coffee? And why would you want to hear about that? So of course I am talking about the witty banter over chess). I could talk about the latest silly, cute, totally stupid thing, my super hot boyfriend did. Except....all of that would be fabricated and puke worthy.

So what should I write about? I don't do poems. I try not to do sermons. I like speaking my mind. But perhaps people are tired of hearing it.

I really shouldn't be so stuck on myself. That is about the worst witness. Being a selfish little pig.
So I hereby say, I'm gonna work on that.
And my apologies.

I shall finish this post with a short tale.

This is the tale of the Sleeping Sister.
She slept, and slept, and slept.
This sleeping sister slept at nighttime, when all of the best people snooze.
She was one of the most magnificent sleepers you'd ever see.
Brilliant really.
There was only one trick to her slumbering (oh, you're clever, you knew there'd be a trick)...
That hitch in her sleeping was this....
during the day, when she was not sleeping she was a terrific talker.
Do you see where this is going?
So she took that terrific talking to bed with her, and combined it with her sleeping.
So whenever anyone would enter the room to admire her slumber, she would begin to speak.
At first people were amazed. Then they were confused. Then they just got down right annoyed.
For you see, she never made sense. She would speak of cats, and of baking. She would carry on conversations in great detail about the quickest way to rid yourself of a muscadine rash.
She hardly ever said anything useful, she just ranted and snored.
This sleeping, speaking sister was quite a mystery to all who surveyed her.
She still is.
There is no conclusion.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Dust

Change.

No one likes it. Ok, you might, but normal people don't...usually.

Change.

Some is good, most is hard. For me anyways.

I have gotten to the point where I don't mind it as much though.

There are times when it starts so quickly that I don't notice till I am smack in the middle, then I look up and think "What the heck is going on?! I'm pretty sure that my head is about to explode, but I don't know why" .... God has been working on me, and I have started to appreciate the change. Just now though, I am in one of those seasons of change, my whole family is really. Let me just tell you, it is not feeling so great. It will pass, but anyone can see that none of us will be the same. I know that I have changed over the summer, and I am still in the process. I can see my Mom in her grief, my Dad in his stress, my sister in her anxiety. It scares me to watch, but it shouldn't.
I should be excited to see the outcome. I should, but am I?

My body dislikes me. We haven't been friends for 2 years now. Y'all who have read my blog in the past know this. It retains fluid randomly. And it stays chubby no matter what I do. Now I know that marshmallow me is super cute, but come on now, this is really getting obnoxious. So to the doctor I took myself, that is another thing I could worry about. I choose not to though. I get my blood work back this afternoon. I'm gonna try so hard to just not think about it, because it's no big deal anyway, right? Of course right.

I could worry about my car, but I like the nostalgia of driving that hunk of junk van around (psh). So I won't think about that either.

I could worry about applying to nursing school, but I can hear my Mom worrying about it now, so I won't even go there.


It may sound pathetic, but I have also been praying for my husband. I don't know who he is, and I don't know when God is going to have us meet, or if I have already met him, but I can feel myself becoming discontent again...and that is not ok with me.

I won't lie...I have been worrying about life after graduation. I'm praying about it though. That's what I am getting around to really.

I have had Philippians on the brain as of late, specifically Philippians 4:6-7 - 6 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "

I guess this post is kind of like a giant prayer request. Full of bad grammar and missing words. That's beside the point. My family needs prayer for our changing season...you know, so we won't keel over or start murdering each other....we want to make it out alive and not insane (no more than we already are anyway). Thanks.