Sometimes I like to sit in the corner and think about how I ended up there.
I am doing that right now.
I am thinking about how exactly I ended up in this mauve colored room, sharing a living space with my younger sister.
I don't mind it.
I did, but I don't anymore.
Not for the moment anyway.
My life isn't special or unique. It could be considered boring by many people's standards. That's OK. I find it comical, really.
At the ripe old age of 18 I decided that I needed to move out of my parent's house. So I did.
Now, at the age of 22, with a college degree under my belt; I am back in my parent's house. Temporarily. Until I figure out what the heck I am supposed to be doing.
What am I supposed to be doing?
That is the question that I am always asking. All the way through college. All of the time. I always ask that stupid question. Guess what though...I still don't have the answer.
I know that small town Mississippi is not where I am supposed to stay. It could be, but I doubt it. If it isn't though, where then? I say TN because I love that state.
If I were to be very honest I would tell you that I always assumed I would be married and starting a family around this time in my life.
Barefoot and pregnant. Baking things. Knitting. That's all I really wanted. Society keeps frowning upon my grand plans though. Society keeps telling me that I am a woman, that I have a degree, that I should be doing something more with myself.
I just want to make people things. If I cannot have my happy little family then I want to make people things. I like doing that. I guess that's why I've always been happy in a coffee shop. Coffee makes people happy. I like making people happy. Therefore I like making people coffee. And baked goods. And if one more person informs me that I should be doing something bigger and better with my life, I probably won't say anything. However, when they have left my presence I will most likely scream.
God has me where He wants me. I don't know why He wants me here, but He does. I've been praying a lot about the people I am around and plans for the future. I've been praying about missions and about moving. Life makes me nervous when I start looking at the big picture. So I try and keep my focus on days and weeks, not months and years. Relationships are what make up my life. I know that isn't a new idea. My relationships with family and friends shape my everyday. My relationship with Christ should also be shaping my everyday, but I keep slipping. I keep getting so distracted. If I really want a healthy relationship with anyone I must keep in communication with them, so why have I slacked off? Because I am lazy. That's why. I need to fix this. I know I do.
So there it is. So many words, poorly placed together to offer some insight into the brain of Melissa Joy Duncan at 11pm. I feel like I am peddling backwards down a small hill.
Grow up.
Grow down.
Grow very round.
Be a kid.
Be mature.
Choices.
Life is all about choices.
